Girl Talk....

Being a female i understand that gossiping is pretty much part of our DNA and I have fallen victim many times before to the occasional corner huddle with friends talking about “ooooooh girl i heard that...” and “mmmm hmmmm, apparently....”
Its addictive, quite unproductive and fun until its you they’re talking about.
I made a mistake some time in my past that involved a “lover”, some nude photographs and the internet which kinda made me topic of the day for a while.
A friend of mine came to Botswana on a business trip and I asked him if he heard about the photo’s and his expression told me that he’d not only seen them but had had many discussions about my scandalous activities with some friends while enjoying a beer or two. I still shudder to imagine how many weirdo’s had copied and pasted the photo.
And while I was in Uni because of the number of male friends i had every so often a rumour would come up about me dating or wanting so and so. I would hear how so and so doesn’t like you because you’re moving in on her man and etc. sigh.
So I got a little taste of what it was like to receive fake smiles from the same people who were spreading the stories. Why don’t people just live and let live?
In the same vein I refrain from divulging my personal stories to girls because plainly put I just don’t trust them. Twice I have told people I thought I could trust and people i thought had the sense to not broadcast everything I tell them, private stories and twice I was proven very wrong. In both cases the person that was the subject of the story came to me and asked why i felt it necessary to spread their personal stories.ugh!!How the ufck do you go straight to the subject and tell them everything and on top of that tell them your source?????really???
And this apprehension I have includes females in my family. After all if I wanted everyone to discuss my business with everyone I would just talk about it when they are all present or do the leg work and tell people individually.
And the number one thing I hate and try to avoid is groups of girls discussing matters of the heart. No valuable piece of advice concerning love has ever come out of a group of females in my experience. None. Notice I use the word group; I can get good advice out of one person most times but a group? Nope. It’s akin to mob mentality. Usually it’s just “let’s get him!” type of advice. They tell you shit like “dump him!” just bcz he didn’t call or chose to hang with his friends on one night instead of you, as though you’re the model girlfriend (no one is perfect).And any paranoia they have from their own relationships they come and dump it on you and most times it bears no relevance.
And when their irrational uninformed baseless thoughts become your thoughts: Houston! We have a problem!!
So I now attempt to keep my personal issues to myself save for the few people I actually trust and I only take advice from people who have proven themselves in the past.

And I was like;why you so obsessed with me?

I heard they existed but to be honest in the back of my mind I never really thought there were mad girls out there.
Ok so Ive known this girl since my 3rd year of Uni (lets call her Piggy) and we aren't what you'd call friends but we say hi to each other if we meet and force a conversation.
Now Piggy's been dating a guy who is a "friend" of my other half:Bk.Whenever Piggy and her boyfriend had a fight she'd run to my other half for advice and I guess for whatever reason she feels that brought them closer.
Then she heard we broke up and she began hitting on my other half in hopes of getting something going but he ignored her advances.
She thought maybe it had to do with me bcz there was a time she called Bk at 1am while he was hanging with me and started begging him to come see her,he told her he was with me and couldnt come but she didnt believe him so he put me on the phone,I said hi and she hung up.
Then a few days later she asked me if I was still dating him and if the reason we broke up was cz of her (someone thinks highly of themselves),I said no to both questions and she seemed to accept it.
Now Yesterday her dellusions reached new levels.He went to visit his friends and Piggy happened to be there.I called him and sent him a text after the call askin him to call me and tell me he loved me (i was trying to get him to be mushy in front of his friends,lol!).But what I didnt know was that his phone battery had died and he had put his sim card in Piggys phone.After he took his card back the text remained in her phone and she got all freaked out,called me and asked me why I was stalking him and trying to get back with him,hahahahahaha!!!stupid girl.Stalkin him?right.During the night she sent me loads of texts askin me to leave him alone and back off and blah blah blah blah.And yet she has a boyfriend.I don't understand what's going on in her head.
And what amazes me is that when we meet she'll act like everythings fine,ugh.stupid girl.Can't waste my time humouring her stupidity,i believe if you play with monkeys you become one so no Piggy!!!I refuse to join the monkey party!

I didn't know my own strength..

Just finished watching the Whitney Houston interview with Oprah and wow!That woman has amazed me!For once we get a celebrity interview with a celebrity who actually wants to be honest.
At first my cousins and I were looking at her like "WTF!!!This woman is crazy!!" Especially when she was talking about how much she loved Bobby Brown and the way they would get high together and fight in front of their parents and daughter.Apparently there was a time she hit Bobby Brown so hard that he passed out and was bleeding,talk about drama!!!!Then my favourite part was when she was tellin Oprah how she used to lace her weed with coke,Whitney is jus so many levels of gangster!!!hahahahaha!!!She made her husband look like such a mad man.She said he painted on the walls of the house cz he was trying to be an artist,and she said that with heavy sarcasm.Then she mentioned how he cut her head off a family portrait,I think he needs to seek some proffessional help!
Hearing all this I really wouldn't be suprised if the daughter pulled an Amy Winehouse,lol!She even took her daughter with her to some rehab center,lmao!Oprah just nodded but her face was saying "What the hell is wrong with u!!!????Your took your child with you to rehab????",hahahahahahahahaha!!!
But what amazes me is she came out of that mess,at least it seems so and Im hoping so too.Now her song "I didnt know my own strength" has so much meaning after watching that interview.
People think it takes strength to get out of a crap situation and thats true but i think it takes just as much strength to fall into it.How long can ur body tolerate smoking coke everyday?If you can do that for years and not break then chances are you can get out of it as well.Jus point that energy in a different different direction.
Weirdly enough I think she's made it into my role model books.Cz she's not perfect and she's honest about it.I hope she's being for real though,really want her to make it.

Another Tyra Show.....

Watching another Tyra show and gosh she amazes me every week!But this week she's not being the idiot,her guests are.
She had a fat woman in her show today complaining that her family is always teasing her about loosing weight. She was so gung-ho about "they are wrong" etc etc but the whole time I was thinkin ummmmm....have u ever thought that maybe you DO need to lose weight?Im not being mean,the girl covered a third of the couch.Im jus sayin,I know its not as easy as saying it but she needs to acknowledge that their words have some truth to them and she should stop using the teasing as an excuse to stay fat.
On the flip side she had a guest who was skinny/slim and has fat friends who tease her about her lack of weight.Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!!!Really???Weird.Then people from the audience who I thought looked normal stood up and said they could relate because they were trying crazy things to gain weight like taking birth control pills or going on fattening diets.What is wrong with this world????
Why cant u just accept what you cannot change?If your metabolism has the speed of light then there's not much you can do.Just let it be.As long as you're healthy it doesnt really matter.smh,when will people learn?

Amber "High on crack" Rose (Yes I said it)

Im don't usually do this but this girl has just reached new levels of utter class-less-ness(if theres such a thing).wow!!!Snake skin body suit????Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse...Dont get me wrong her body can handle a body suit but its jus not a good look.I will NEVER take her seriously now,ever!
How is Kanye still dating that girl?Everything about her presentation screams HO!!!!!Anyway I guess he knows the real A.Rose.And funny thing is she is the type of girls Kanye disses in his raps;girls who take their clothes off to get ahead and do the video rounds to get noticed.Everytime I listen to one of his songs its like he's mocking her,hahahahahaha!!!E.g "I'll do anything for a blonde dyke and she'll do ANYTHING for the lime light." At least he's honest,hahaha!

A long walk....

I honestly think we women are mad sometimes or that we need medication for our mood swings.Im beginning to annoy myself.The hormones went crazy on me this morning,woke up in a good mood only to crash an hour later,ugh!And the annoying thing is not even I understand that mood nonsense.I guess that's why when men ask their women what's wrong they always get "nothing" and a shrug in return because honestly we are just as confused as you are.There are times when I'll be close to tears or have a permanent scowl on my face or have something negative to say about everything but have no justification for it whatsoever,none at all!Bk knows how to deal with me when I get like that though.Always makes me smile,unfortunately I couldn't see him today.But I fought back,I decided I wasn't gonna sit around snapping everyones head off for no good reason so I turned off my phone and took a walk and bought myself some chocolate-always works :-)
I actually walked to and from the filling station without accepting lifts from anyone,thas a big deal cz im laaaaazy!!!I decided today was "don't hit on a girl day" so I ignored all the attempts by guys to say hello or stop me,I was on a chocolate mission,lol.
Musically I let Jay-Z's Reasonable Doubt,K'Naans Trabadour and Kid Cudi's Man on the moon keep me company during my walk.Why is it though that even when you have both headphones on people still feel the need to talk to you thwarting any attempt to be antisocial?smh.Annoying.
When I got back home I was happy and calm,could have been a sugar high though,lol.
Excited to get some sleep and wake up tomorrow,the job hunting continues.sigh.
*Yawn!*Off to bed!

Whitney Houstons back!!!

This is a fans vid of Ms Whitney performin in Central Park.Im so happy she made it back to the world of the living!!!Though she was done for a minute there!!Her voice has weakened slightly but I hope she doesnt give up,im sure theres a number 1 album in her somewhere!Yey for Whit!!! :-)

Big Brother Africa 4

I am an shameless fan of this manufactured reality show so I was so excited to watch the premiere yesterday.
Talk about disappointing!!!
They have added 4 more countries to the house including Mozambique and Ethiopia.And those countries are notoriously known for beautiful women but what does big brother do?They bring men from those countries,ummmm,ok.
After they had introduced the 7th housemate,I thought ok,here come the women!But no,they came up with the brilliant idea of putting 12 men in the house for the first week.That's just not what it is.Too many men in one place is just weird.
In addition to that they had 2 female celebrity housemates to "make things interesting".One of them is Nonhle, a popular Channel O (africa's version of MTV) presenter and the other is a south African socialite (yes Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have a following it seems) who married a rich old man,I forget her name,I jus call her the drag queen.They were both heavily made up and had the most badly done weaves Ive seen.The outfits were over the top and really unneccesary.Nonhle chose a cute strapless dress that didn't fit cz she had to keep doing the strapless shuffle (when a woman constantly raises her strapless dress or top to stop it from sliding down and causing a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction), while Drag queen wore a bright pink bedazzled top and matching tights.
The make-up was ridiculous,no black woman on mother earth has rosy cheeks!!!None!!I dare you to find one!!!The drag queen had eyelashes that could swat a fly and Nonhle had yellow nail polish on which had nothing to do with her outfit.I know fashionista's sometimes mismatch to match but she just looked like she wasn't sure what to wear.Sigh,we cant all be Rihanna now can we?
I hate it when women do that!aint nothing attractive (to me anyway) about looking like a clown.Make-up is supposed to enhance your beauty,not hide it.Keep it simple stupid!!!!And these women are representing other African women when they go out there,oh lawwwwd!!!
And in interviews they'll say stuff like "Im misunderstood and people always make the wrong judgements about me",yeeeeeaaaah,the way you dress you're kinda asking for it.Im jus saying....
Then they interviewed the past winners and one of them started a production company.His name is Richard and his company is called Richards Movie production company,hahahahaha!!!My cousins and I laughed so hard!!Really?thats the best name he could come up with?My cousins and I started suggesting possible names for our future companies.How's Brandy's Modelling agency?or Karen's Law firm?hahahahaha!!!hilarious!!!
But because I have alot of "watching paint dry" time,I shall probably watch the show anyway.SMH,shame on me!

Back to my roots...

A cousin of mine is getting married in the next month or so and she had her bridal shower this past weekend.My cousins and I were invited and this was actually my first time attending a full blown traditional bridal shower as an adult.
It was pretty cool getting a window into my own culture.Made me realise how bourgeois my generation has become.
She's marrying an american man so they're holding the wedding ceremonies here because after they get married she's leaving to stay with him in Chicago.
The attendees were mainly Zambian,Malawian and Zimbabwean women. It seems these 3 countries travel in packs.
The bride was confined to her room for about 3 hours with her advisors?(usually two of her eldest aunts or any prominent women within her circle)who were advising her on married life and teaching her how to dance....yes we get down like that!lol!And by dance I mean how to move her waist, a.k.a grind,wine,shake it fast etc.Those ladies are serious about their craft!
After we'd eaten lunch, the bride was covered in a cloth and escorted in by her advisors and sat in the center of all the women then unveiled as a "woman".First they prayed for her then they had the gift presenting ceremony and lastly she had to entertain us with the dance she'd been taught which is the best part.
During the gift presenting ceremony, what happens is everyone who bought a gift (usually kitchen ware) has to present it and tell the bride and her advisors what she is supposed to do with the gift.After they explain,they have to tie a sarong around their waist and do the grinding dance,after all most are married and have been through the same process.However the unmarried women still attempted it anyway.Some women were hilarious,others opted to pay a small fine instead and one particular Zambian woman showed us some things.... She had us all in shock and awe of her dancing skills and she seemed to love the attention cz she danced for quite a while.
After all that it was time for the bride to take the stage.She had changed into a half top and matching sarong and had some beads around her neck.Her dance was really sexy and quite vulgar too cz at some point she got onto her hands and knees....hectic.
After her dance the drinks began to flow and the barbeque began.It was quite fun dancing to our local music and we even managed to start a conga line at some point.
What I loved the most about the whole shindig was this idea of women teaching and guiding one another into married life. Her mother hardly played a part in the whole affair,most of it was being run by the other women.I think that's the beautiful part,that you're being "raised" by everyone and not just your mother.It is the duty of every woman in your circle to make sure you become the type of woman you are expected to be and that you learn from the lessons they've learnt in life. I suppose this doesn't work so well anymore given that since alot of families travel nowadays and traditions are different depending on where you live but I just love the concept.
Reminds me of the saying: It takes a village to raise a child.
Kinda sad that majority of my generation are losing the good parts of their culture.Was definately a fun experience.

Throwback....I am not my hair...

Wow talk about full circle!!
A friend of mine jus sent me a link to a trailer of a Chris Rock movie/documentary about black women and their hair.

Chris Rock Documentary on Youtube

And not long ago I wrote something about how i personally feel about the whole hair issue:

I don’t have a problem with women wanting to relax, curl, iron or braid their hair etc or whatever they feel makes it look good. What I have a problem with is the pretense that it’s an emotionless act.
Just like most black people I have grown up relaxing my hair and never thought twice about it. Everyone did it and you'd receive heaps of compliments when it has just been done and lots of questions if it started going kinky at the roots. Hours where spent in blow dryers and rollers. I’d look at the pictures of the little black girls with long hair on the relaxer box and wonder how long it would take for me to get that long soft hair that blows in the wind and is seen by everyone to be the perfect hair.
No one ever told me that it was okay to have natural hair. As far as I was concerned it was something poor people couldn’t do as messed up as that sounds, because if u were poor u couldn’t afford to straighten your hair.
It’s an unspoken fact. You are considered more beautiful if u have long straight hair as a black person.
I’ve mentioned to my friends many time that I want to go natural and they would give me these "are u serious?" looks and say "girl your natural hair would be too kinky and shady looking, its better u stay with relaxer”. Or they give me that lame excuse of natural hair being hard to maintain, like relaxed hair is effort less. Every 3 months you're applying chemicals and if u really want to up your game u need a tong, hair iron and blow dryer. Then there’s the endless braiding and treating so that your hair grows and doesn’t fall out at the front. It’s not an excuse; all types of hair require maintenance.
Then there’s the whole debate of light skinned dark skinned. Apparently light skinned is trying to be better than black but dark skinned is too black, what?!
I looked at the history of all this, to help see where our assumptions come from. It's black American history but I think it’s relevant to us since we tend to model our behavior after their society.
When black American women were being assimilated into the working world they were made to straighten their hair so they could be accepted by white people. Light skinned slaves were made house slaves while the darker ones were made to work in the fields. The light skinned ones could sometimes pass as white and were more accepted into white communities. They had a paper bag test, if u were darker than a light brown bag; u weren't accepted into certain schools or churches. (This is a rough outline; please feel free to correct me)
These things affect us today because those ideals have been passed down to us. We’re still being told light skinned is better and natural hair is not good.
Even worse is how people have taken this to heart and think less of themselves if they don’t have perfect hair or the right skin tone.
I want to say to you all if you don’t already know, the world owes u nothing. They don’t have to think you are hot or sexy and they definitely don’t have to tell you, but you do.
It’s time we women accept that when we strip ourselves of all chemicals and enhancements, what we have remaining we can’t change.
Your hair will be kinky if you ceased relaxing it and your skin tone won’t change.
Just accept u as u are because u are who u are, and if you should choose to perm your hair or bleach your skin, that’s fine, as long as u accept that kinky hair or darker skin does not mean you are any less beautiful. This also applies to having booty vs. being naturally slim.
It’s pointless to hate on light skinned girls because just like you they can’t get any darker and girls with naturally straight hair can’t make it kinky and girls who have curves can’t make them disappear, at least not in a healthy way and the only way slim girls are getting curves is by getting fat. If society says they are hot, they just happened to hit the genetic jackpot.
The next time someone says my hair wouldn’t look good natural, I’ll ask for whom? Because the only person I’m trying to impress is me. Society has done nothing for me.
Say it with me: kinky or straight, light or dark, curvy or not, I am hot!

Chris Rock was inspired to make the docu/movie because his daughter came home one day and asked why she doesnt have "good hair".
Seeing famous black actresses in the trailer talk about how they have to straighten their hair to be accepted by the industry made me really sad.Chris also went to the factory where relaxer/straightener is made and found out how strong the main chemical ingredient of relaxer:hydrogen peroxide, actually is. Cue the horrid relaxer stories of how women get bad scalp burns from it (something i eventually got used to as a child). It sounds ridiculous when someone else tells you about this insanity we go through to make our hair look straight.F&%^$K!!!why do we do this to ourselves????We black women look stupid.Yeah I said it.STUPID.
Why are we chasing this holy grail that is unattainable?stupid.

Seriously Tyra?

According to the Tyra episode Im currently watching the behaviour of guys actually depends on how they look.Apparently Obama's forehead is the reason he became president, George Clooneys eyes are the reason he's a successful actor and Chris Brown's nose shows he'd be a good father.....riiiiiiiight!!I wonder what feature shows that he's a wife beater,hahahahahahaha!!!Yes ladies if you wanna know if a man is honorable and honest and genuinely sweet and worth pursuing,look at his eyes,if they glow then yes!!cast your net,he's the one!!!
And her guests are ridiculous too, how desperate do you have to be to still need to ask whether a guy is still worth pursuing if he can disappear off the face of the earth for two weeks after your first date?Maybe he's not interested?Just shooting in the dark here...
Tyra can be such a waste of time!!Stupid show.Im quite a hater but I try not to miss an episode,I guess I love the stupidity.
Now she's telling us how to communicate with a love interest via text.Really?Do people need to be taught how to do that?hahahahahahahahaha!!!Just incase you are one of the lost sheep she says the 3 day rule doesnt apply to texting (who came up with the 3 day rule anyway???Whats the procedure?I wanna come up with my own rule too) and its advisable to keep the sexual innuendo to a minimum,yes,stop whoring yourself on the phone!!-you might not live up to your words,hahahahaha!!!
And then of course she's got 2/3 psychologists who have written some nonsense books that we've never heard of to substantiate her ridiculous claims.hahahahaha!!!I LOVE Tyra!!!!

Im a sucker for pumps...

Went to the mall today and I made the mistake of going into the shoes stores,sigh.

I am developing an obsession with heels,stylish ones-I like to think anyway.

I used to hate them cz they made no practical sense to me but now Im hooked. Gimme a pair of heels that make my feet feel like they have been bound and Im a happy girl. Gimme a ridiculously high impractical and of course painful pair of heels and I will be in ecstasy.Gimme a pair with a heel that could punture a hole in a tire and yes you guessed it, I will be in heaven.

I don't when it started, and its an expensive obsession. But my ex is making it worse.Bless his heart he loves buying me shoes! And he always yells at me after I get a pair; "Its your last one for the next few months!promise?" and I always say yes until I see another pair I just have to have.I saw a gold pair today....sigh.

Im a little bored with the selection we have here though.Gosh they're always predictable colours: black, white, blue, red, green and purple if you're lucky.

Nothing exciting,nothing overly designed or funky,such unimaginative fools! If you left me in a Christian Louboutin store for an hour I would prob have a heart attack. I especially love his fetish shoes, heaven!!!

So I've added photo's of my own piece of heaven for you all :-) Most are totally impractical shoes as you can see but I love them!!! Only Victoria Beckham would understand,lol! And she's prob the only soccer mom in the world that can wear such shoes on a daily basis.Sigh....to be Ms Becks!

Belief....

Lyrics to "Belief" By John Mayer

(I think this song makes a very valid and strong point. Just because you believe in something so strongly doesnt mean the person next to you, that you think is an idiot because they dont believe in the same thing you do, thinks differently about your belief. In the end no one wins because everyone's right)

Is there anyone who
Ever remembers changing their mind from
The paint on a sign?

Is there anyone who really recalls
Ever breaking rank at all
For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition
And some have to know they tried
It's the chemical weapon
For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes
From emptiness to everything
Everyone believes
And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war
We're never gonna beat this
If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand
Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand?
Belief can

Grown and sexy...

There's something so liberating about maturity.
I was once watching Oprah and she was interviewing Cate Blanchett (brilliant actress btw!) And in keeping with the age vs youth theme of the movie "The curious case of Benjamin Button", Oprah asked Cate if at her current age of 30-something she ever wishes she was younger. Cate said she's never had such a thought because she's never felt so confident, sure of herself and as whole physically, emotionally or mentally as she does now, and to trade it all for beauty and aimless youth just seems so futile.
At the time I didn't fully understand what the hell she meant,who wouldn't want to be prettier?
But I woke up one morning and it hit me out of the blue really.I don't want my youth back at all!
My younger years were full of alot of window dressing-trying to look mature and in the know when in fact I was completely clueless.There were a lot of cob webs too: self esteem issues, peer pressure (yes I fell for that nonsense) and general confusion.But now all that seems so silly and childish.
I feel prettier and dare I say sexier now than I did then.I feel like Im coming into my own now,becoming a woman for the lack of a better word.I am more aware of my body and I want to make sure it's healthy. My thoughts and actions and everything I do is to make sure I am happy.Selfish?Yes.But of course I am aware of other people and how I affect them too.
I am more sure, confident, at ease, in control and running the production that is my life.
And Im actually excited to see where this production is going...
Feels oh so fabulous!!! :-)