Maxwell Adoration

Another one of my favorite dance routines from "So You Think You Can Dance". I had no idea what the dance was about when I first saw this video but despite that I felt the emotion in it,and it helps that I like the song itself (This woman's work by Maxwell).I love the routine,the choreographer didn't let the song down.



And in continuing with the Maxwell adoration here's his performance of Pretty Wings on the David Letterman show.I LOVE this song!!!*dreamy sigh*



I am aware my blogger theme cuts the video....will change it soon.And Blogger has messed up my Tweet-Feed, :( smh!get it together Blogger!!!

Artist of the week: Jason Chan

Alright this time we're going to Asia.Found a guy called Jason Chan,LOVE his art work.He was actually born and raised in California and currently works at Massive Black.He's inspired by video games and fantasy as is reflected in his art work.His work is very clean and i love the dreaminess he puts in his art.Some of his characters look like their minds are faaaaar faaaaaar away,day dreaming,lost in their own minds,I love it!
So without further ado I present my favourite Jason Chan pics.... (by the way his website is www.jasonchanart.com )

Back again for the first time....

Im so sorry I have neglected you my dear blog!
But Im back!
Its been a slow month.Iv spent most of it at home on Twitter or Facebook (those sites will be the death of me!) and sleeping.shame on me.
But I have been doing some work here and there.Studying to take a GMAT test early next year so that i can apply for a scholarship in Finland.The text book isn't here though and the deadline to hand in my application (January 31st) might not be reached because the GMAT results take 3 weeks to be released and i can only take the test exactly 3 weeks before the deadline *shaking my head*,just my luck.I'm feeling so discouraged now but trying to find another way of making this work out :(
As far as work goes I'm still unemployed,and with each month that passes a bit of my self esteem goes with it,I didnt think I'd still be asking mother for pocket money 7 months after graduating.But I'm trying not to lose hope.Something needs to work out for me!!At least one thing!!!Just one!!!sigh.
The only one good thing or shall i say person making everything bearable currently is my bestie (best friend) Bk.He cheers me up when Im miserable and keeps chanting the mantra's that most people would be tired of tellin me by now: "stay positive,dont let it get you down,focus on gettin things movin, visualize the end goal" etc.Bless his soul.He came to see me today,bought me cake as well.sigh, what more do I need?
I think anyone else would have been sick and tired of me by now cz if there's one thing Im good at, its worrying!!No one can out-worry me except probably my mother,lol.That woman is the all time champ!
Rap artist Wale recently released his new album "Attention Deficit" and I am in love with him!!!No not cz he's cute or anything (which admittedly is usually the criteria I use to judge an artist) but because he's actually RAPPING!!!Many hip hop artists nowadays are just stringing words together that happen to make sentences that rhyme;quite a sad state of affairs really.No one tells stories anymore or addresses specific issues that affect the majority of the population even if its just about gold diggers (shout out to Kanye West!).Everyone wants to rap about how great they are or the latest new dance craze.His album however doesn't show case his real skills,i think his mixtapes do though.And i think true hip hop fans who hate the mass production nature of the music being released nowadays might appreciate Wale quite a bit.Give him a chance!!!
And on that note its time for me to go to bed,put my headphones on and fall asleep listening to "The Remake of a remake(All I need)" from Wale's "A mixtape about nothing".
Goodnight world! :)

Breaking the rules....

As kids we are constantly told what is right and wrong with the aim of helping us develop into people with a good moral compass.
The irony is though for the most of us we do the opposite.See the one thing they don't tell you and that you discover for yourself is that sometimes in life we will break the rules to achieve some of the goals we want to achieve and surprise surprise it will sit fine with you.Because....well,thats just life.There is no black and white,right and wrong,its actually just grey and there are only degrees of right and wrong.
The older you get though,the more you should know better.But we still do it,we lie or swear or cheat or steal or judge people or treat people badly etc.As young children when we break the rules we have inexperience and the ignorance of youth to hide behind.When we are adults and we know what all the lessons are,what excuse do we have?

THIS TOO WILL PASS:-Eckhart Tolle’s story told, so very beautifully extract from his bestselling book “A New Earth”

According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some Middle Eastern land who was continuously torn between happiness and despondency. The slightest thing would cause him great upset or provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair. A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out. He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reputed to be enlightened. When the wise man came, the king said to him, “I want to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life? I will pay back any price you ask.”
The wise man said, “I may be able to help you. But the price is so great that your entire kingdom would not be sufficient to pay for it. Therefore it will be a gift to you if you honour it.” The king gave his assurances and the wise man left.
A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside. Some letters were inscribed on the ring. The inscription read. This too will pass. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king. The wise man said, “Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription. That way you will always be at peace.”
This too will pass. What is it about this simple words that makes them so powerful? Looking at it superficially, it would seem while those words may provide some comfort in a bad situation, they would also diminish the enjoyment of the good things in life. “Don’t be too happy, because it won’t last.” This seems to be what they are saying when applied in a situation that is perceived as good.
...this story points to the fact of impermanence which, when recognised, leads to nonattachment. Non-resistance are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.
Those words inscribed on the ring are not telling you that you should not enjoy the good in your life, nor are they merely meant to provide some comfort in times of suffering. They have a deeper purpose: to make you aware of the fleetingness of every situation, which is due to the transience of all forms- good or bad. When you become aware of the transience of all forms, your attachment to them lessens, and you disidentify with them to some extent. Being detached does not mean you cannot enjoy the good that the world has to offer. Infact, you enjoy it more. Once you see the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures about the future. When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in your life instead of being trapped inside them.

Riri's back!!!!!!*super scream!!!!*

I have the biggest unexplainable girl crush on two artists: Solange Knowles and Rihanna.Solange for her song writing abilities and kooky sense of style and Riri for her fierce sense of style (coz lez-bi-honest she aint that amazing musically).I like to think if I had the money Id end up with a style thats a fusion of the two,some gothic inspiration mixed with lots of colour,funky designs and artsy fartsy heels.
Both have been quite silent lately but Riri is finally releasing her next album called "Rated R" on Novenber 23rd which means more "good girl gone bad" videos and crazy outfits!!!Im so excited!!!!She's released two promo pics and I am in love!!!!

Apple vs Mac?

Im not the biggest tech junkie but I do appreciate a reliable computer.Due to financial limitations I've had to be content with PCs my whole life though I wouldn't mind taking a bite out of the Apple. So far, apart from its constant freezing, overuse of resources and its incompatibility with most programs my Vista has been working perfectly,lol.Mostly I just like the fact that its pretty. I dont do anything heavy duty with it so Ive never felt the need to go back to XP.
However Windows 7 imminent arrival does not excite me at all even though we've been told its lighter and better than Vista. My uncle installed the beta version on the desktop at home and it seemed fine but I just can't be bothered to try it to be honest. Plus Im a little peeved that I was forced to get Vista which came with my laptop and now they decide to release an OS they claim is better than Vista and of course to change to 7 Ill have to pay out of my ass,ugh!
Anyway I stumbled across these Apple ads that piss on Windows 7/Microsoft,woohoo!!!!Im all for it!!!

Best Before (insert date here).

Time has the uncanny way of making certain experiences stale.
I met my ex the other day and seeing him prompted a confused look to creep on to my face.I was thinking what did I like about him again?He's short and odd and we have nothing in common at all!!!I spoke to him for about 10 mins and a minute after I left him he wasn't on my mind anymore.But at the time we dated his appearance would get me all giggly and I'd be in heaven if he touched me.But 3 years later and he has no effect on me.Stale.
On Facebook I was found by two of my ex crushes.One from Primary school and the other from High school.
I had the biggest crush on Patrick in Primary,sigh.We danced together at my Std/Grade 6 disco,lol.I was so excited dressed in my Mini Mouse skirt and matching top.But alas it was like a Cinderella story...I went home straight after our dance and there wasn't enough time for us to kindle a love affair given that our final school term was ending.In my mind all these years he's been this magical tall guy I danced with in High School,I saw him on Facebook and in my head I heard the sound of shattering glass.Dream destroyed.He's not so fantastical after all.Stale.
In high school I destroyed my reputation (at least it felt that way at the time,lol) and self esteem over Michael.Sigh,Michael.I couldn't get enough of him.We shared classes together and I sat in front of him and his friend in maths,my favourite class of the day!His hair was the biggest deal about him.He had this wavy hair which was way cool for a black guy back then.I'd huddle with my dorm mates during prep time and we'd discuss our crushes,lol!It seems so stupid now.Sometimes the other girls would play love songs and hug their teddy bears and sometimes even cry,hahahahahahahaha!!!!My apologies if any of them read this but they looked like lunatics!!
Then during one of our many talks they convinced me to just bite the bullet and tell Michael how I felt about him and got me thinking yeah,he could like me back!So I went to him after dinner one day and said "Michael I have the biggest crush on you and I just think you're so hot!" He kinda just stared at me for a second and said "ummm ok thanks". Then for the remainder of the term he did his best to ignore me which was weird cz he sat behind me in maths.On top of that somehow everyone found out about it.sigh.I was so embarrassed and upset.Couldn't wait to leave the school!But now all that seems over the top and ridiculous.He looks nothing like the image I had in my head at the time.He's practically a different person.He's a nice guy though but I'd never be romantically attracted to him ever again,that I know for sure.Stale.
So today I was thinking about my Bestie and I'm wondering whether I'll think he's stale in a few years and I wonder if I'm stale to any guys out there,lol.I guess it just proves that people do change over time.My tastes have changed and their personalities have evolved.

Koop Island Blues....

In another life I would have been a dancer, contemporary dancer specifically.I love it!!Hiphop dance is cool and all but I love what contemporary dance does to the female body,plus the flexibility you gain.If I could just drop everything now and go to dance school I would!What I would give to be taught by Mia Michaels!She is a genius!Brilliant artistic mind!So sad that she's no longer on so you think you can dance.Hope she comes back,I love her choreography.
The clip above is of a routine that she choreographed on the show in season 5 and I just adore its cheekiness,lol.For reasons that will become evident after you've watched,its known as "the butt dance".She said it was a classic French inspired tale of two "cat and mouse" lovers.I think she interpreted it perfectly,Tom and Jerry immediately sprung to mind when I was watching it (but of course Tom was never in love with Jerry,lol,that would have been a bit weird), or the french movie "Priceless".I love the song she chose too;Koop Island Blues by Koop.
Maybe one day I shall buy a one way ticket to the U.S and enroll in some Dance school,but until then I shall save up for ballroom dance classes here and keep my dancing dreams alive by watching shows like these....sigh.

Hopeless romantic...

OMG,im such a mushy creature!!!
I was reading some article on MSN called 25 little things you do that guys secretly love link: 25 little things...
Im the type of girl that gives little excited yelps if i get flowers or I unintentionally go into a soft baby voice asking "are you sure?awwwww baby!" if he buys me something I wanted but didnt think he would get it for me,lol!
I love romance!sigh.

Graduation Weekend,good times!

So the festivities are over,back to reality.
The graduation ceremony wasnt as bad as I'd thought it would be,kept myself entertained during the boring parts by chatting with a friend of mine.After the ceremony had lunch with the parents,my sister,cousins and my uncle at Primi-best place for pasta!sigh, i could do wit some pasta right about now....
In the evening I had dinner with some friends at News Cafe,I didnt actually eat though,I got a little too carried away taking photo's and drinking so by the time we needed to order I was waaaaay too tipsy to eat,would've probably ended up throwing up.
Afterwards we went to a friends house for poker.I was too exhausted to join in though and went home after an hour or so.I met my ex boyfriend too,this world is waaay too small!!!Turns out he knows my male friends from high school.He's the same though,hasn't changed a bit.Talks the same,same height,same accent and I bet he kisses the same too (his awful kissing was the reason I dumped him,lol!)
Twas nice to see my mummy again,she was so happy she baked 3 cakes for me and my cousins.Its only Thursday and 2 of those cakes are practically finished,lol,my mummies a beast in the kitchen!She also made some super nice chicken which had all of us asking for her recipe.When Im brave enough Ill try replicating her chicken.
So all in all it was a good weekend,had fun.
Gotta go do some work now,mwah!

Im a b*&%$# in the morning....

Im going crazy,have been for the past few days.
Im panicking about everything and anything and worrying at the same time,disgusting combination!Ive been driving Bk up the wall with my endless pouting and sulking and as always Im wondering how he hasn't gone mad himself.Instead of telling me to get lost he's called every night and tried to make me feel better.*blush* Lucky me.
So why am I worried? Im graduating this weekend,my research paper was accepted for the research conference thingy at University which means I have to find funds to attend the conference,prepare for the presentation and prepare a short biography.My graduation has created humungous headaches for me. The shoes my cousin sent aren't here yet and might not get here in time because there was a postal strike in the UK plus she fears the shoe might be too small.Go figure,that would just be friggin fantastic.
I spent the better part of the week running around looking for a dinner dress and again I am reminded why it sucks to be in Africa!!!!Lots of casual clothes here but nothing for special occassions,unless your aim is to look like a beauty pagent contestant.
So I decided ufck it,Ill ho it out (shout out to Amber Rose!) this time and bought a long top that shall serve as my dress for the night,lol,Im shameless!But Ill do it with self respect,I will make sure I dont bend over or sit without my legs being crossed.See?Self respect!
My biggest problem though is my amazingly over inflated expectations.In my head this weekend is supposed to be super duper fantastic! At first I wasn't excited but then I let myself get excited and now Im just worried my expectations won't be met and so far thats the way things seem to be headed.crap! Ah well,Ill find other reasons to celebrate in my life so Ill just try and make the most of it.

[This totally has nothing to do with the post but my cousin keeps talking to me tho I have headphones on and Im clearly busy typing somethin....weird.I say "hmmm" or nod every now and then,lmao!Im evil]

♫♫na na na na,na na na na,hey hey hey,gooooodbye!!♫♫

Lmao!I love the title of this post!!
Ive lost a friend,and frankly I couldnt care less!
And given the way my former friend handled the situation that brought us to this point,they couldnt care less either,so I guess all is right with the world.
Ive actually almost reached the point of indifference,hahahahaha!!Who'd have thought it would end like this?smh.
Not long ago we were up each other's a-holes,lol!sharing this and that,partners in crime and homies to the death.Now it just seems stupid that I even gave away that much trust.
I think we were in lust (lol,friendship lust),which I have come to find is as fleeting as the pleasure it brings.
Im still slightly angry/hurt though.I have moments,just moments,where Im speaking to him but thinkin "UFCK YOU!!!" and come dangerously close to saying it,lol.Cz I feel stupid for believing the act.Ah well,he cant fool me twice.
But at the end of the day,its all good.At least he has enough integrity to not go putting all the stuff I spewed in private on blast.
Yeah we had good times and he held it down when I needed a friend a couple of times,but I must remember that its not just your good actions that are testament to your character, your bad ones are too.
So off I go humming: "na na na na,na na na na, hey hey, gooooodbye!!"

Artist of the week...music to my eyes.

Im a big fan of art generally,whether it be paintings, drawings or photography.I tend to gravitate towards the more deviant/erotic genre though,lol.My wallpaper collection mainly consists of lots of tastefully drawn half naked girls (I think so anyway), a variety of pictures with gothic elements and anime art (Im very intrigued by asian and gothic culture).So I have decided since I have the time, every week I'll endevour to find an artist an put up a pic or two by them.I'll start with my absolute favourite;Luis Royo (shown above).He's a spanish artist as the name suggests and does alot of dark fantasy art and most of them are either paintings or sketches.I came across him about 4 years ago through Bk who had a massive collection of erotic fantasy wallpaper.(I blame him!)
I cant imagine what a conversation with Luis Royo must be like or what goes on in his mind given some of the art that he has created,.He definately thinks outside the box!If you're interested in seeing more of his work follow this link: Luis Royo Fantasy ,be warned some of his stuff is quite explicit!

Behind every successful man there is a woman...

It seems, from looking back at all romantic relationships I've been involved in and that I have witnessed, that the men tend to be the ones dictating the course of the relationship(not always but most of the time).
I suppose that can be attributed to the fact that we've been raised in patriarchal societies where we've been told men are the leaders,protectors and providers of the family unit and therefore when in a union with a man,a woman's role is one of support.For example there is a saying that goes: Behind every successful man there is a woman.
So I personally have always believed that I should support my significant other to help him become the leader that he needs to be.And of course I know some men also do the same for their female counterparts nowadays though its still a relatively new concept for the man to play a supporting role to a womans life.
I have no problem with women playing a supporting role to their significant others however what I don't like is when men abuse that privalege.Yes it's a privalege.Because more often than not supporting someone involves some compromise on your part.A simple example is one of my parents;my mother had to quit her job just when she had qualified to receive extra benefits from her employers and leave her friends to follow my father to a new country because he wanted to find better oppotunities for his career.Now of course he was doing this for the benefit of his family and we are happier now but my mother has had to abandon her career and become a housewife.She supported him and also compromised her goals for the bigger picture.
Now some men are selfish but still expect your support.They want to take time for themselves,tend to their own happiness,disregard your needs and still expect to have you waiting for them when they are done searching their souls.
What differs from woman to woman is how much she can put up with before she decides what she can't compromise on.I used to think I had to go all out,be that woman that will follow you to the ends of the earth to prove her devotion to you but I think it's time to redefine my boundaries and increase my list of things I cannot compromise on.Some women will put up with verbal or physical abuse,cheating,disrespect,disloyalty,stupidity etc hoping that one day this man shall wake up and see what an amazing supportive woman he has.There needs to be a balance,do not compromise more for your partner than he'd compromise for you.Because one day you'll wake up and wonder why the hell you're feeling so miserable and your life is spent making his comfortable.I refuse to see that happen to me.I will still be supportive and I will compromise but Im setting some standards and expectations that make me happy that I expect to be fulfilled.And if they are not met then Ill cut my losses and move on.Life's to short to spend it living for someone else.

Girl Talk....

Being a female i understand that gossiping is pretty much part of our DNA and I have fallen victim many times before to the occasional corner huddle with friends talking about “ooooooh girl i heard that...” and “mmmm hmmmm, apparently....”
Its addictive, quite unproductive and fun until its you they’re talking about.
I made a mistake some time in my past that involved a “lover”, some nude photographs and the internet which kinda made me topic of the day for a while.
A friend of mine came to Botswana on a business trip and I asked him if he heard about the photo’s and his expression told me that he’d not only seen them but had had many discussions about my scandalous activities with some friends while enjoying a beer or two. I still shudder to imagine how many weirdo’s had copied and pasted the photo.
And while I was in Uni because of the number of male friends i had every so often a rumour would come up about me dating or wanting so and so. I would hear how so and so doesn’t like you because you’re moving in on her man and etc. sigh.
So I got a little taste of what it was like to receive fake smiles from the same people who were spreading the stories. Why don’t people just live and let live?
In the same vein I refrain from divulging my personal stories to girls because plainly put I just don’t trust them. Twice I have told people I thought I could trust and people i thought had the sense to not broadcast everything I tell them, private stories and twice I was proven very wrong. In both cases the person that was the subject of the story came to me and asked why i felt it necessary to spread their personal stories.ugh!!How the ufck do you go straight to the subject and tell them everything and on top of that tell them your source?????really???
And this apprehension I have includes females in my family. After all if I wanted everyone to discuss my business with everyone I would just talk about it when they are all present or do the leg work and tell people individually.
And the number one thing I hate and try to avoid is groups of girls discussing matters of the heart. No valuable piece of advice concerning love has ever come out of a group of females in my experience. None. Notice I use the word group; I can get good advice out of one person most times but a group? Nope. It’s akin to mob mentality. Usually it’s just “let’s get him!” type of advice. They tell you shit like “dump him!” just bcz he didn’t call or chose to hang with his friends on one night instead of you, as though you’re the model girlfriend (no one is perfect).And any paranoia they have from their own relationships they come and dump it on you and most times it bears no relevance.
And when their irrational uninformed baseless thoughts become your thoughts: Houston! We have a problem!!
So I now attempt to keep my personal issues to myself save for the few people I actually trust and I only take advice from people who have proven themselves in the past.

And I was like;why you so obsessed with me?

I heard they existed but to be honest in the back of my mind I never really thought there were mad girls out there.
Ok so Ive known this girl since my 3rd year of Uni (lets call her Piggy) and we aren't what you'd call friends but we say hi to each other if we meet and force a conversation.
Now Piggy's been dating a guy who is a "friend" of my other half:Bk.Whenever Piggy and her boyfriend had a fight she'd run to my other half for advice and I guess for whatever reason she feels that brought them closer.
Then she heard we broke up and she began hitting on my other half in hopes of getting something going but he ignored her advances.
She thought maybe it had to do with me bcz there was a time she called Bk at 1am while he was hanging with me and started begging him to come see her,he told her he was with me and couldnt come but she didnt believe him so he put me on the phone,I said hi and she hung up.
Then a few days later she asked me if I was still dating him and if the reason we broke up was cz of her (someone thinks highly of themselves),I said no to both questions and she seemed to accept it.
Now Yesterday her dellusions reached new levels.He went to visit his friends and Piggy happened to be there.I called him and sent him a text after the call askin him to call me and tell me he loved me (i was trying to get him to be mushy in front of his friends,lol!).But what I didnt know was that his phone battery had died and he had put his sim card in Piggys phone.After he took his card back the text remained in her phone and she got all freaked out,called me and asked me why I was stalking him and trying to get back with him,hahahahahaha!!!stupid girl.Stalkin him?right.During the night she sent me loads of texts askin me to leave him alone and back off and blah blah blah blah.And yet she has a boyfriend.I don't understand what's going on in her head.
And what amazes me is that when we meet she'll act like everythings fine,ugh.stupid girl.Can't waste my time humouring her stupidity,i believe if you play with monkeys you become one so no Piggy!!!I refuse to join the monkey party!

I didn't know my own strength..

Just finished watching the Whitney Houston interview with Oprah and wow!That woman has amazed me!For once we get a celebrity interview with a celebrity who actually wants to be honest.
At first my cousins and I were looking at her like "WTF!!!This woman is crazy!!" Especially when she was talking about how much she loved Bobby Brown and the way they would get high together and fight in front of their parents and daughter.Apparently there was a time she hit Bobby Brown so hard that he passed out and was bleeding,talk about drama!!!!Then my favourite part was when she was tellin Oprah how she used to lace her weed with coke,Whitney is jus so many levels of gangster!!!hahahahaha!!!She made her husband look like such a mad man.She said he painted on the walls of the house cz he was trying to be an artist,and she said that with heavy sarcasm.Then she mentioned how he cut her head off a family portrait,I think he needs to seek some proffessional help!
Hearing all this I really wouldn't be suprised if the daughter pulled an Amy Winehouse,lol!She even took her daughter with her to some rehab center,lmao!Oprah just nodded but her face was saying "What the hell is wrong with u!!!????Your took your child with you to rehab????",hahahahahahahahaha!!!
But what amazes me is she came out of that mess,at least it seems so and Im hoping so too.Now her song "I didnt know my own strength" has so much meaning after watching that interview.
People think it takes strength to get out of a crap situation and thats true but i think it takes just as much strength to fall into it.How long can ur body tolerate smoking coke everyday?If you can do that for years and not break then chances are you can get out of it as well.Jus point that energy in a different different direction.
Weirdly enough I think she's made it into my role model books.Cz she's not perfect and she's honest about it.I hope she's being for real though,really want her to make it.

Another Tyra Show.....

Watching another Tyra show and gosh she amazes me every week!But this week she's not being the idiot,her guests are.
She had a fat woman in her show today complaining that her family is always teasing her about loosing weight. She was so gung-ho about "they are wrong" etc etc but the whole time I was thinkin ummmmm....have u ever thought that maybe you DO need to lose weight?Im not being mean,the girl covered a third of the couch.Im jus sayin,I know its not as easy as saying it but she needs to acknowledge that their words have some truth to them and she should stop using the teasing as an excuse to stay fat.
On the flip side she had a guest who was skinny/slim and has fat friends who tease her about her lack of weight.Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!!!Really???Weird.Then people from the audience who I thought looked normal stood up and said they could relate because they were trying crazy things to gain weight like taking birth control pills or going on fattening diets.What is wrong with this world????
Why cant u just accept what you cannot change?If your metabolism has the speed of light then there's not much you can do.Just let it be.As long as you're healthy it doesnt really matter.smh,when will people learn?

Amber "High on crack" Rose (Yes I said it)

Im don't usually do this but this girl has just reached new levels of utter class-less-ness(if theres such a thing).wow!!!Snake skin body suit????Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse...Dont get me wrong her body can handle a body suit but its jus not a good look.I will NEVER take her seriously now,ever!
How is Kanye still dating that girl?Everything about her presentation screams HO!!!!!Anyway I guess he knows the real A.Rose.And funny thing is she is the type of girls Kanye disses in his raps;girls who take their clothes off to get ahead and do the video rounds to get noticed.Everytime I listen to one of his songs its like he's mocking her,hahahahahaha!!!E.g "I'll do anything for a blonde dyke and she'll do ANYTHING for the lime light." At least he's honest,hahaha!

A long walk....

I honestly think we women are mad sometimes or that we need medication for our mood swings.Im beginning to annoy myself.The hormones went crazy on me this morning,woke up in a good mood only to crash an hour later,ugh!And the annoying thing is not even I understand that mood nonsense.I guess that's why when men ask their women what's wrong they always get "nothing" and a shrug in return because honestly we are just as confused as you are.There are times when I'll be close to tears or have a permanent scowl on my face or have something negative to say about everything but have no justification for it whatsoever,none at all!Bk knows how to deal with me when I get like that though.Always makes me smile,unfortunately I couldn't see him today.But I fought back,I decided I wasn't gonna sit around snapping everyones head off for no good reason so I turned off my phone and took a walk and bought myself some chocolate-always works :-)
I actually walked to and from the filling station without accepting lifts from anyone,thas a big deal cz im laaaaazy!!!I decided today was "don't hit on a girl day" so I ignored all the attempts by guys to say hello or stop me,I was on a chocolate mission,lol.
Musically I let Jay-Z's Reasonable Doubt,K'Naans Trabadour and Kid Cudi's Man on the moon keep me company during my walk.Why is it though that even when you have both headphones on people still feel the need to talk to you thwarting any attempt to be antisocial?smh.Annoying.
When I got back home I was happy and calm,could have been a sugar high though,lol.
Excited to get some sleep and wake up tomorrow,the job hunting continues.sigh.
*Yawn!*Off to bed!

Whitney Houstons back!!!

This is a fans vid of Ms Whitney performin in Central Park.Im so happy she made it back to the world of the living!!!Though she was done for a minute there!!Her voice has weakened slightly but I hope she doesnt give up,im sure theres a number 1 album in her somewhere!Yey for Whit!!! :-)

Big Brother Africa 4

I am an shameless fan of this manufactured reality show so I was so excited to watch the premiere yesterday.
Talk about disappointing!!!
They have added 4 more countries to the house including Mozambique and Ethiopia.And those countries are notoriously known for beautiful women but what does big brother do?They bring men from those countries,ummmm,ok.
After they had introduced the 7th housemate,I thought ok,here come the women!But no,they came up with the brilliant idea of putting 12 men in the house for the first week.That's just not what it is.Too many men in one place is just weird.
In addition to that they had 2 female celebrity housemates to "make things interesting".One of them is Nonhle, a popular Channel O (africa's version of MTV) presenter and the other is a south African socialite (yes Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have a following it seems) who married a rich old man,I forget her name,I jus call her the drag queen.They were both heavily made up and had the most badly done weaves Ive seen.The outfits were over the top and really unneccesary.Nonhle chose a cute strapless dress that didn't fit cz she had to keep doing the strapless shuffle (when a woman constantly raises her strapless dress or top to stop it from sliding down and causing a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction), while Drag queen wore a bright pink bedazzled top and matching tights.
The make-up was ridiculous,no black woman on mother earth has rosy cheeks!!!None!!I dare you to find one!!!The drag queen had eyelashes that could swat a fly and Nonhle had yellow nail polish on which had nothing to do with her outfit.I know fashionista's sometimes mismatch to match but she just looked like she wasn't sure what to wear.Sigh,we cant all be Rihanna now can we?
I hate it when women do that!aint nothing attractive (to me anyway) about looking like a clown.Make-up is supposed to enhance your beauty,not hide it.Keep it simple stupid!!!!And these women are representing other African women when they go out there,oh lawwwwd!!!
And in interviews they'll say stuff like "Im misunderstood and people always make the wrong judgements about me",yeeeeeaaaah,the way you dress you're kinda asking for it.Im jus saying....
Then they interviewed the past winners and one of them started a production company.His name is Richard and his company is called Richards Movie production company,hahahahaha!!!My cousins and I laughed so hard!!Really?thats the best name he could come up with?My cousins and I started suggesting possible names for our future companies.How's Brandy's Modelling agency?or Karen's Law firm?hahahahaha!!!hilarious!!!
But because I have alot of "watching paint dry" time,I shall probably watch the show anyway.SMH,shame on me!

Back to my roots...

A cousin of mine is getting married in the next month or so and she had her bridal shower this past weekend.My cousins and I were invited and this was actually my first time attending a full blown traditional bridal shower as an adult.
It was pretty cool getting a window into my own culture.Made me realise how bourgeois my generation has become.
She's marrying an american man so they're holding the wedding ceremonies here because after they get married she's leaving to stay with him in Chicago.
The attendees were mainly Zambian,Malawian and Zimbabwean women. It seems these 3 countries travel in packs.
The bride was confined to her room for about 3 hours with her advisors?(usually two of her eldest aunts or any prominent women within her circle)who were advising her on married life and teaching her how to dance....yes we get down like that!lol!And by dance I mean how to move her waist, a.k.a grind,wine,shake it fast etc.Those ladies are serious about their craft!
After we'd eaten lunch, the bride was covered in a cloth and escorted in by her advisors and sat in the center of all the women then unveiled as a "woman".First they prayed for her then they had the gift presenting ceremony and lastly she had to entertain us with the dance she'd been taught which is the best part.
During the gift presenting ceremony, what happens is everyone who bought a gift (usually kitchen ware) has to present it and tell the bride and her advisors what she is supposed to do with the gift.After they explain,they have to tie a sarong around their waist and do the grinding dance,after all most are married and have been through the same process.However the unmarried women still attempted it anyway.Some women were hilarious,others opted to pay a small fine instead and one particular Zambian woman showed us some things.... She had us all in shock and awe of her dancing skills and she seemed to love the attention cz she danced for quite a while.
After all that it was time for the bride to take the stage.She had changed into a half top and matching sarong and had some beads around her neck.Her dance was really sexy and quite vulgar too cz at some point she got onto her hands and knees....hectic.
After her dance the drinks began to flow and the barbeque began.It was quite fun dancing to our local music and we even managed to start a conga line at some point.
What I loved the most about the whole shindig was this idea of women teaching and guiding one another into married life. Her mother hardly played a part in the whole affair,most of it was being run by the other women.I think that's the beautiful part,that you're being "raised" by everyone and not just your mother.It is the duty of every woman in your circle to make sure you become the type of woman you are expected to be and that you learn from the lessons they've learnt in life. I suppose this doesn't work so well anymore given that since alot of families travel nowadays and traditions are different depending on where you live but I just love the concept.
Reminds me of the saying: It takes a village to raise a child.
Kinda sad that majority of my generation are losing the good parts of their culture.Was definately a fun experience.

Throwback....I am not my hair...

Wow talk about full circle!!
A friend of mine jus sent me a link to a trailer of a Chris Rock movie/documentary about black women and their hair.

Chris Rock Documentary on Youtube

And not long ago I wrote something about how i personally feel about the whole hair issue:

I don’t have a problem with women wanting to relax, curl, iron or braid their hair etc or whatever they feel makes it look good. What I have a problem with is the pretense that it’s an emotionless act.
Just like most black people I have grown up relaxing my hair and never thought twice about it. Everyone did it and you'd receive heaps of compliments when it has just been done and lots of questions if it started going kinky at the roots. Hours where spent in blow dryers and rollers. I’d look at the pictures of the little black girls with long hair on the relaxer box and wonder how long it would take for me to get that long soft hair that blows in the wind and is seen by everyone to be the perfect hair.
No one ever told me that it was okay to have natural hair. As far as I was concerned it was something poor people couldn’t do as messed up as that sounds, because if u were poor u couldn’t afford to straighten your hair.
It’s an unspoken fact. You are considered more beautiful if u have long straight hair as a black person.
I’ve mentioned to my friends many time that I want to go natural and they would give me these "are u serious?" looks and say "girl your natural hair would be too kinky and shady looking, its better u stay with relaxer”. Or they give me that lame excuse of natural hair being hard to maintain, like relaxed hair is effort less. Every 3 months you're applying chemicals and if u really want to up your game u need a tong, hair iron and blow dryer. Then there’s the endless braiding and treating so that your hair grows and doesn’t fall out at the front. It’s not an excuse; all types of hair require maintenance.
Then there’s the whole debate of light skinned dark skinned. Apparently light skinned is trying to be better than black but dark skinned is too black, what?!
I looked at the history of all this, to help see where our assumptions come from. It's black American history but I think it’s relevant to us since we tend to model our behavior after their society.
When black American women were being assimilated into the working world they were made to straighten their hair so they could be accepted by white people. Light skinned slaves were made house slaves while the darker ones were made to work in the fields. The light skinned ones could sometimes pass as white and were more accepted into white communities. They had a paper bag test, if u were darker than a light brown bag; u weren't accepted into certain schools or churches. (This is a rough outline; please feel free to correct me)
These things affect us today because those ideals have been passed down to us. We’re still being told light skinned is better and natural hair is not good.
Even worse is how people have taken this to heart and think less of themselves if they don’t have perfect hair or the right skin tone.
I want to say to you all if you don’t already know, the world owes u nothing. They don’t have to think you are hot or sexy and they definitely don’t have to tell you, but you do.
It’s time we women accept that when we strip ourselves of all chemicals and enhancements, what we have remaining we can’t change.
Your hair will be kinky if you ceased relaxing it and your skin tone won’t change.
Just accept u as u are because u are who u are, and if you should choose to perm your hair or bleach your skin, that’s fine, as long as u accept that kinky hair or darker skin does not mean you are any less beautiful. This also applies to having booty vs. being naturally slim.
It’s pointless to hate on light skinned girls because just like you they can’t get any darker and girls with naturally straight hair can’t make it kinky and girls who have curves can’t make them disappear, at least not in a healthy way and the only way slim girls are getting curves is by getting fat. If society says they are hot, they just happened to hit the genetic jackpot.
The next time someone says my hair wouldn’t look good natural, I’ll ask for whom? Because the only person I’m trying to impress is me. Society has done nothing for me.
Say it with me: kinky or straight, light or dark, curvy or not, I am hot!

Chris Rock was inspired to make the docu/movie because his daughter came home one day and asked why she doesnt have "good hair".
Seeing famous black actresses in the trailer talk about how they have to straighten their hair to be accepted by the industry made me really sad.Chris also went to the factory where relaxer/straightener is made and found out how strong the main chemical ingredient of relaxer:hydrogen peroxide, actually is. Cue the horrid relaxer stories of how women get bad scalp burns from it (something i eventually got used to as a child). It sounds ridiculous when someone else tells you about this insanity we go through to make our hair look straight.F&%^$K!!!why do we do this to ourselves????We black women look stupid.Yeah I said it.STUPID.
Why are we chasing this holy grail that is unattainable?stupid.

Seriously Tyra?

According to the Tyra episode Im currently watching the behaviour of guys actually depends on how they look.Apparently Obama's forehead is the reason he became president, George Clooneys eyes are the reason he's a successful actor and Chris Brown's nose shows he'd be a good father.....riiiiiiiight!!I wonder what feature shows that he's a wife beater,hahahahahahaha!!!Yes ladies if you wanna know if a man is honorable and honest and genuinely sweet and worth pursuing,look at his eyes,if they glow then yes!!cast your net,he's the one!!!
And her guests are ridiculous too, how desperate do you have to be to still need to ask whether a guy is still worth pursuing if he can disappear off the face of the earth for two weeks after your first date?Maybe he's not interested?Just shooting in the dark here...
Tyra can be such a waste of time!!Stupid show.Im quite a hater but I try not to miss an episode,I guess I love the stupidity.
Now she's telling us how to communicate with a love interest via text.Really?Do people need to be taught how to do that?hahahahahahahahaha!!!Just incase you are one of the lost sheep she says the 3 day rule doesnt apply to texting (who came up with the 3 day rule anyway???Whats the procedure?I wanna come up with my own rule too) and its advisable to keep the sexual innuendo to a minimum,yes,stop whoring yourself on the phone!!-you might not live up to your words,hahahahaha!!!
And then of course she's got 2/3 psychologists who have written some nonsense books that we've never heard of to substantiate her ridiculous claims.hahahahaha!!!I LOVE Tyra!!!!

Im a sucker for pumps...

Went to the mall today and I made the mistake of going into the shoes stores,sigh.

I am developing an obsession with heels,stylish ones-I like to think anyway.

I used to hate them cz they made no practical sense to me but now Im hooked. Gimme a pair of heels that make my feet feel like they have been bound and Im a happy girl. Gimme a ridiculously high impractical and of course painful pair of heels and I will be in ecstasy.Gimme a pair with a heel that could punture a hole in a tire and yes you guessed it, I will be in heaven.

I don't when it started, and its an expensive obsession. But my ex is making it worse.Bless his heart he loves buying me shoes! And he always yells at me after I get a pair; "Its your last one for the next few months!promise?" and I always say yes until I see another pair I just have to have.I saw a gold pair today....sigh.

Im a little bored with the selection we have here though.Gosh they're always predictable colours: black, white, blue, red, green and purple if you're lucky.

Nothing exciting,nothing overly designed or funky,such unimaginative fools! If you left me in a Christian Louboutin store for an hour I would prob have a heart attack. I especially love his fetish shoes, heaven!!!

So I've added photo's of my own piece of heaven for you all :-) Most are totally impractical shoes as you can see but I love them!!! Only Victoria Beckham would understand,lol! And she's prob the only soccer mom in the world that can wear such shoes on a daily basis.Sigh....to be Ms Becks!

Belief....

Lyrics to "Belief" By John Mayer

(I think this song makes a very valid and strong point. Just because you believe in something so strongly doesnt mean the person next to you, that you think is an idiot because they dont believe in the same thing you do, thinks differently about your belief. In the end no one wins because everyone's right)

Is there anyone who
Ever remembers changing their mind from
The paint on a sign?

Is there anyone who really recalls
Ever breaking rank at all
For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition
And some have to know they tried
It's the chemical weapon
For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes
From emptiness to everything
Everyone believes
And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war
We're never gonna beat this
If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand
Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand?
Belief can

Grown and sexy...

There's something so liberating about maturity.
I was once watching Oprah and she was interviewing Cate Blanchett (brilliant actress btw!) And in keeping with the age vs youth theme of the movie "The curious case of Benjamin Button", Oprah asked Cate if at her current age of 30-something she ever wishes she was younger. Cate said she's never had such a thought because she's never felt so confident, sure of herself and as whole physically, emotionally or mentally as she does now, and to trade it all for beauty and aimless youth just seems so futile.
At the time I didn't fully understand what the hell she meant,who wouldn't want to be prettier?
But I woke up one morning and it hit me out of the blue really.I don't want my youth back at all!
My younger years were full of alot of window dressing-trying to look mature and in the know when in fact I was completely clueless.There were a lot of cob webs too: self esteem issues, peer pressure (yes I fell for that nonsense) and general confusion.But now all that seems so silly and childish.
I feel prettier and dare I say sexier now than I did then.I feel like Im coming into my own now,becoming a woman for the lack of a better word.I am more aware of my body and I want to make sure it's healthy. My thoughts and actions and everything I do is to make sure I am happy.Selfish?Yes.But of course I am aware of other people and how I affect them too.
I am more sure, confident, at ease, in control and running the production that is my life.
And Im actually excited to see where this production is going...
Feels oh so fabulous!!! :-)